That’s what I’m waiting for

I feel like I just ate 10 bags of sugar and drank 3 cups of Frappucino.

Great day today! We learned some warm ups at tennis. Grbac made us do some jump rope drills where we had to jump on our toes and on one leg. After that, we had to do lunges, knee hugs and all these leg exercises. I think my legs are going to be super sore tomorrow. I’m going to pray that I can actually get out of bed instead of crawling out. Mandarin actually went by pretty fast. We got our new books. They’re not as colorful as our old book, but it’ll do.

Review day at History. Did a lab at Chemistry. It was pretty easy. It was actually the first lab we finished. Amazing.

I almost fell asleep at English…again.  I wish I sat in the back or something. I even get paranoid when I close my eyes for a few seconds. Oh well. Math was okay. We continued our lesson from a few days ago and had like 25 minutes to do our homework. I actually finished today! Sweet!

I did something extremely stupid today afterschool. I’m asking each and every one of my friends to beat the living crap out of me in front of him if I ever make the same mistake again. Jesus.

I have a History test tomorrow. Chapter 20 is LONG. I’m like halfway through reading it. After that, I still have chapter 21 and a Chemistry quiz to study for. Yippie! 

I haven’t realized what a total stalker I am until today at lunch. I can practically name his entire wardrobe. Someone should sue me for harassment.

I’ve had so much homework and test/quizzes to study for lately that I haven’t been able to write my days in full detail. I’ll have more time tomorrow so maybe I can write more.

-Winnie 

But you’ll always be my golden boy

Fast and easy day today. Learned a new drill at tennis. Didn’t do much at Mandarin. We were suppose to get our new books, but apparently the book room lady called in sick. Chin didn’t know and called like 3 times just to have no one pick up. Chemistry was boring and so was English. We read a few pages of Julius Caesar. I almost fell asleep too. Tarr’s monotone voice is just so boring. I’ve been feeling really sleepy during English these days. I sit in the front too. I should stop.

We had a Math quiz today. It was easier than most of our other quizzes. There weren’t any word problems this time so huzzah! I don’t want to jinx myself so I will say no more.

I bought some new CD’s a few nights ago so they should come pretty soon. I’ll write reviews of them when I finish listening to them. I hope they come by Friday. I really want to listen to them. D:

I didn’t see him today. We walk pass the music room everyday, but I guess he’s been going home earlier these days. I don’t see him sitting around anymore. Maybe I should go earlier and hopefully, I may see him. After yesterday, I’ve been getting quite impatient for a reply. I know I shouldn’t, but I just have a sudden urge. I remember I used to be so hesitant about his reply. I just had so many things on my mind and worrying about hurting my best friends. Things just weren’t going great and I was scared everything was going to fall apart. Now that everything seems to be shone on a brighter light, I have very few worries. I’m even getting a little jumpy. I should try to be a little more patient.

I haven’t been in the library for a while. I think I’ll go this Friday. I really miss being at the library with my friends.

I think I’ll have to work like hell this weekend. I only have a few more weeks for my religion project…and it’s due before Winter Break. Tarr is insane.

Huzzah huzzah always reminds me of the last lines of Walk Two Moons. I love that book. It was pretty sad toward the end, but then it turned out to be alright. It was more of a bittersweet ending. I really love those endings. They don’t annoy you like super sad or happy endings. Authors tend to overdo happy or sad endings at times. I always liked books, lyrics, or movies with a bittersweet theme or ending. You know that every thing’s probably going to be alright, but you just can’t help but shed a tear or go ‘aww.’ I guess I’ve just always liked things with truth or reality. Fairy tales aren’t for me.

I still have Math to do. I kind of slacked off today. Back to homework!

-Winnie

An end to everything

I am overjoyed! Once again, this will be a super short post because I have a math quiz to study. I’ll probably have more time to write tomorrow though. Anyways, where was I? Oh yes! I am overjoyed! Everything we’ve gone through is finally coming to an end. No more emo nights or days of thinking too much. Almost everything is back to normal. Well, almost everything. I think I can finally be happy again.

It’s funny, isn’t it? Just a few nights ago, I was ranting about the situation I’m stuck in and how I miss the good times. Just today, I found out something that just ended all that. Maybe I can finally go back to being my old self. Quite amazing.

Today was a great day. I didn’t see him much but it was great. I am happy.

-Winnie

Hit the Heartbrakes

Hit the Heartbrakes-Black Kids

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Call the ghost in your underwear.
Call the ghost in your underwear who?
Call the ghost in your underwear “boo”.
It’s fine, all right, you can stay the night,
but please be gone by next morning’s light.
Oh, please don’t pout.
Don’t cause a scene.
Oh, babygirl, don’t be mad at me.

Oh, boo, what can I do?
It’s not me, yeah, it’s you.
You’ve been hittin’ the heartbrakes hard.
It ain’t no use, cos we’re still gonna crash,
cos you’re still keeping after me.
It’s flattering, but really!

Abracadabra!
Every summer you disappear.
Cos it’s so sticky in the Dirty South.
It’s hot as balls.
Hey now, watch your mouth!

I must repeat: I think you’re sweet.
But ain’t no way that I’m gonna meet
your mother, your father,
your dog or your brother,
your nephew and niece, girl,
I just can’t be bothered.

Hit the heartbrakes.
Hit the heartbrakes.
Hit the heartbrakes.
Hit the heartbrakes, baby,
you’re driving crazy.

Tired

Went back to school today. Boring as usual. Nothing really happened today.

I saw him a few times today, more than usual. I saw him in the morning where he was touching his hair like mad, in the halls where I walked past him, and after school near the music room. He didn’t see me though. Jenman also saw him today in the halls after third period. He was with two girls and one of them was linking arms with him. Poo.

I’m a bit tired and I’m not really in the mood to write a post today. Nothing exciting happened today anyways. My apologies. I’ll try to write more tomorrow.

I’ll post the lyrics to my favorite song.

-Winnie

Deep Thoughts

Today is the last day of my four day weekend. It was boring though. I finished about 75% of my history notes. I’m too lazy and tired to finish the rest. I’ll just do it tomorrow.

I had a deep conversation with Jenman today on AIM. I’ve realized not many things make me happy anymore. What used to make me happy doesn’t seem to affect me anymore. Things like spending a whole day with my friends or writing my thoughts will and always make me forget about my problems. I really do love doing those things.

I tell my friends everything, but I have like a gazillion things on my mind everyday. I can’t possibly tell them all this so I resort to writing. I really love writing. It’s my way of expressing my thoughts and opinions that I can’t express to other people. In fact, this is one of the major reasons I decided to make a blog. I didn’t make it for views and comments. I didn’t even expect anyone to take their time and actually read my posts and comment on them. Writing really helps me get my emotions and thoughts out. Before I made this blog, I would always write down everything on Microsoft Word which helped me a lot. It made me feel a lot better and it would usually calm me down when I was pissed off though I would just delete it right away. I’m just the type of person who can express a lot of my emotions and thoughts through writing. I really appreciate how some of my friends actually take their time to read my posts everyday. I know only about three of you do this, but it really makes me happy when you guys read and enjoy my posts. I love you guys. <3

Another thing I have realized is how my life has taken such a drastic turn ever since the beginning of the school year. I still remember my Brightwood and freshman days and I miss those days like hell. I never experienced problems like this. Heck, there wasn’t even any drama. The worst thing that ever happened was getting upset over some stupid guy problems and that only lasted for a few hours or days. My Brightwood and freshman days were so carefree. I didn’t have to make any decisions or take responsibility. Almost anything made me happy. I wasn’t scared to be crazy or run around like a maniac. I was just a brainless, idiotic kid and I miss being a brainless, idiotic kid.

Ever since I found out everything this year, I’ve been making decisions on my own. I’ve been taking responsibility for almost everything. I don’t even act crazy like last year anymore. I guess I’m growing up but it sucks lemons. It’s just happening so fast. I mean I won’t mind if this were a gradual process, but it’s as if everything was just thrown onto us.

Last year, I was just a brainless freshman and all I was worried about was finding my way through the school and not pissing any of the upperclassman off by accident. My biggest challenge was talking to him. Now, that I look back, I always have a nostalgic feeling. My worries and problems back then were nothing compared to right now. I’m not even scared of talking to him anymore. I’m just scared of his reply or if he’s even going to give me one for that matter. Sometimes, I just really want to stay in the past. Like I said before, I really hate changes.

But then again, without changes, a lot of things would have never happened. I would have never discovered who I really am, decide to confess, and realize the true sides of my friends. I believe situations like these really bring out the good and bad sides of people. I’ve been told I’ve changed a lot and I agree with that. I don’t think I would have ever found the guts to confess back in my freshman year. I didn’t even have the guts to talk to him or confront him. I was never exactly the outgoing, brave type. Even when I was younger, I never spoke my mind and I was always shy. I was usually bullied because of that. My cousin, on the other hand, was more outgoing. She was more outspoken and had the potential to be a really good leader. I really admire those traits about her. Because of her personality, she’s more easily noticed. At times, I wonder if it would be any different if I were more outspoken like my cousin. I think he would have at least noticed me or know my name. But because of my reserved and quiet personality, I blend in with the crowd and he didn’t even know my name. That could have been avoided only if I talked to him a few more times. It really is my fault that we never talked much.

I’m beginning to make changes for myself, take responsibility, and make my own decisions. I didn’t even do this last year. I guess I’m just beginning to grow up. I’m not exactly ready for it though. I always think about Brightwood and last year. I really miss being a kid and having no worries. I miss playing tag with my friends, sweating like no tomorrow in the afternoon heat at the playground, or screaming my lungs out. I can’t even do these things anymore. I’ve been having so many thoughts in my mind that I can’t even play games on my own will. I just want to go back to my old life where we had so little worries. I know that’s impossible, but it really is nice to live in the past for a while.

I’m sorry for this emo rant. I’m just having one of those nights where I begin to contemplate about my life for a while.

-Winnie 

Who shot that arrow in your throat?

I spent the whole day doing homework and studying. My four day weekend’s coming to an end and soon I must face hell once again. Not happy.

Nothing excited happened today. Just sat around straining my eyes on the computer and taking notes on history. The most amazing thing that happened today was finding new songs and artists…and that’s about it. Saturday’s are great, but boring. Poo.

I really did find a lot of new songs though, thanks to my darling. It’s like I find a new song or artist everyday now. Pretty awesome. I’m currently addicted to Wine Red by The Hush Sound. I need to find more songs by them later.

My darling said something that made me wonder for a bit. “Why weren’t you born a boy?” I wonder that sometimes too. If I were a boy though, I think I’d be a gay or bisexual boy.

I’ve added some new songs to the MP3 section so go check it out if you want. If you don’t want to, that’s okay too.

I’m tired and I need to finish my homework. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a more exciting day. It’ll be the last day of my four day weekend.

Who shot that arrow in your throat?
Who missed the crimson apple?
It hung heavy on the tree above your head

I love that song.

-Winnie 

Miss Invisible

Miss Invisible by Marie Digby

There’s a girl
That sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone

And though she smiles there is something just hiding
And she cant find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she’ll pretend to be busy, when inside she just wants to cry
She’ll say…

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you’ll ask her her name

The begining, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldnt seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes and left and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to what she is now
And she’ll sing…

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that you will ask her…her name

And one day just the same as the last
Just the days been in counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind…

Sales, sales, sales

Good day today! I went shopping with everyone for the whole day. I finally bought a new bag (my other one was ripping apart), some shirts, and a jacket. I’m super happy because shopping for the whole day+new clothes=WIN.

We went to the mall around 10 in the morning and bought my bag at Pacsun. There was this 25% off every purchase sale so my bag was a bit cheaper when I bought it. Too bad it only lasted until 1 P.M. The line was really long too. We had to wait like 30-45 minutes just to pay for it (I lost track of time). After that, we went to Hollister where I bought a pink short sleeve, a gray long sleeve, and a burgundy jacket.

Jenman and I spent about 45 minutes at Hollister just shopping and trying on clothes while Shu, Hippo, and Jin just stayed outside (haha). We later went to American Eagle where Jin bought this really heavy jacket and Aeropostale, where Shu and Hippo bought their jackets. Hippo’s in love with his new jacket, though he reminds me of my dad a whole lot when he wears it.

We kind of just went back and forth since the guys weren’t sure if they wanted to buy what they wanted to buy. We went shopping for earrings, too (yes, guys included). Hippo bought two pairs for his sister and told me to choose a pair since he’ll get a pair free (buy two, get one free). I picked one with dangling stars. I’ll probably get my ears pierced next year, so I’ll save them until then. Thanks, little bro. I really love those earrings. <3

We went to Borders last. We just stayed around the music section listening to sample tracks from CD’s. When we were about to leave, we saw a little book about sex. We thought it would be pretty funny, especially Jin, so he started reading it until he got grossed out from the oral sex chapter. (Heh, heh, heh.)

Jenman finally found the cause of her allergic rashes. She’s been having them for months and months, until Hippo and Jin pointed out that she was probably allergic to her necklace. And she was blaming the gummy bears for her rashes. Nice!

I spent so much money on shopping today, but I’m glad. I finally got all the clothes I wanted and a new bag.

I’ve found some new songs by Marie Digby today. She’s quite an amazing artist. Her voice is very soothing and calm. I wished she would do more original songs than covers though. Her covers are great, but I really love her original works, especially her song Miss Invisible. I really love the lyrics to that one. I think they explain at least one point of most teenagers’ lives, especially girls. I’ll post the lyrics later on after my shower.

I finally feel more relaxed. A lot of my stress is gone, though I have to finish my homework tomorrow. Hanging out with my friends really helped me forget about my problems. I’m glad I’ll always have them by my side.

-Winnie

Happy Thanksgiving!

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I’ve been pretty busy for the whole day, thus the late post. Sorry.

Let’s see. I woke up today around 6:50 in the morning and went to Central Park, Pasadena with Jenman and Shu. Shu was still asleep so we had to knock on his door until we woke his dad up. It was kind of weird since we were just standing there with his dad staring at us. It was freezing cold in the morning. Really foggy too. I think it was sprinkling a little.

My arms are so tired and sore from carrying chairs and tables. We helped set up everything and we later fed the “homeless” (the majority of them were freeloaders). After that, we just went home at 2 P.M. I was super tired so I took a three hour nap once I got home until my cousin woke me up.

I had a Thanksgiving party at my house. Too bad I wasn’t hungry. The food was really good, but I just ended up eating a little. I was also forced to eat turkey (I hate turkey).

Sorry for the short post. I would write in more detail, but I’m super tired right now and I’m about to go to bed. I’m going to the mall tomorrow the whole day too, but I’ll try to write more once I get back. Have a great Thanksgiving!

-Winnie