1*22*73

Finished most of my homework yesterday. Went shopping today even though I’m going to go again soon. Haha. Got a load of crap.

My CD’s finally arrived yesterday. Yippie! I haven’t listened to them one on one yet though. I just got addicted to this song from one of the albums I downloaded a while ago.

Feeling really sluggish. Don’t feel like writing that much today.

-Winnie 

Stay by Lillix

I’m unlisted, I’m resisiting, all the lies the minds are twisted
Can’t believe in honesty, please don’t turn your back on me
I am breaking, molding, making. All these thoughts are over taking.
Everything I want to see, hoping you will stay with me.

I… am weakening. I… am weakening. Stay.

Am I folding? No, I’m holding on to what the signs are showing
Everything that’s meant to be doesn’t come so easily.

I… am weakening. Yeah, I… am weakening

If I was gonna lose you, so what I’m gonna lose you
Either way, either way.
But my heart didn’t choose to, so what I’m gonna lose you, yeah.
Either way. Either way, stay.

You got it, you got it all…
And you got it, and you got it all…

Oh… why am I weakening?

If I was gonna lose you, so what I’m gonna lose you
Either way. Either way.
But my heart didn’t choose to, so what I’m gonna lose you
Either way. Either way, stay…

Oh… stay. Stay… Stay…

I know I’ve been posting lyrics a lot lately, but there’s nothing to talk about and I think a lot of these songs describe how I’m feeling. I’ll actually write a post tomorrow though.

-Winnie 

Inda

I’m feeling better after listening to Ken Oak Band non-stop yesterday. The day didn’t start off so great, but it got better toward the end. I have a lot of mixed emotions right now, but in a good way. I don’t really think I can describe how I’m feeling at the moment.

Inda by Ken Oak Band

She’s come full circle
I’m here at square one
She can do what she wants
I’m trying to do what she’s done
So now it seems that I’m ready
For you, so have we begun?

The universe is full of
Reflections but you have eyes
That can see in another dimension
All the things that I’ve tried to hide
All my thoughts are just useful thinking
You found time to think of me
I guess it’s true what they say in this lifetime
You just might find the thing that you need

You say that we’re moving forward
Faster than we really know
Your laughter slowly takes over
Your confidence I’ll never know

The universe is full of
Reflections but you have eyes
That can see in another dimension
All the things that I’ve tried to hide
All my thoughts are just useful thinking
You found time to think of me
I guess it’s true what they say in this lifetime
You just might find the thing that you need

Songs can put your feelings into words.

-Winnie

If you only knew

I have been in a not-so-good mood lately. I’m not depressed, but I’m just troubled with my problems. I’ve been developing bad habits and not telling my friends what’s going on like I usually do. I’m just keeping everything bottled up and it’s been bothering me a lot.

I’ve been finding it hard to tell my friends about my problems. Many of them are having problems of their own and I don’t want them to listen to my petty complaints about life and all that. A lot of the things that have been going on lately are also my fault and talking about them just makes me relive the guilt. I know that I’m wrong, but just vaguely talking about my issues just makes me feel worse. I feel that some people are getting tired of me and I know that I’m the one at fault. I just relive everything when I think about my problems and I’m just reminded of how I’ve brought all this to myself.

Keeping everything inside has just gotten me angry, frustrated, and upset and I keep all this rage inside. In my mind, I’ve been pointing fingers and getting angry at other people, but the one who I’m truly angry with is myself. I’m the cause of a lot of the things that have been bothering me lately and I just hate thinking about them. I try doing other things as a temporary relief and they work, but only for a limited amount of time. I don’t really care if I get these feelings out. I don’t even care if I get advice from other people. I just want everything to be back to normal.

-Winnie

Butterfly

I think I’ve finally found what I’m looking for. I know it can’t and won’t last forever, but I think I’ve finally found it. I might lose it soon though. I can already feel it slipping away day by day. It’s a sad cycle. Just when you’ve found something you’ve been looking for so long, you begin to lose it.

Well, time to treasure it, right?

-Winnie

As lovers go

Alright day today. I spent practically the whole first period trying to get my readmit card. Well, I finally did.

I had two subs today. Chin wasn’t here so yes! Gillete wasn’t here today either. I don’t think he’ll be there tomorrow either.

I’m thinking about transferring out of Lai. He’s such an ass. Sorry. I just had to get that out. I don’t learn anything from that class and he talks about non-sense everyday. Complete BS. Alright, I’ll save the complaints for later. I just hope I can actually transfer out to another teacher.

I have that feeling that something or someone is missing again. I just know who it is this time.

I haven’t had a great day in a while. Well, I guess if you had a great day everyday, it won’t be a great day anymore, huh?

I’ve been really inspired to take pictures with my dad’s camera lately. I mostly just take pictures of my room since that’s where I am all the time, but I’m beginning to really love picture taking. His camera is just so amazing and the images come out really nice, clean and sharp. It’s an awesome camera. Unfortunately, I’m limited to as the things I can take (I don’t have that many things in my room.) I think I’ll go out when I have the time and just take random pictures of anything I find.

So, I’ve been making a to-do list before I die. I’ll put up the list when I have time.

-Winnie 

Bottle it up

Angry and disappointed. Some people are just immature and lie to get through life. Other people deserve better. I can’t feel anything at all right now. I don’t think I can put what I’m feeling into words.

My songs are getting me sleepy. I should be studying.

-Winnie 

Gravity

I finally got my voice back. I actually started talking yesterday, but it was still a little hoarse. I’m finally beginning to get my normal voice back today. I’m still coughing a lot though. I’ll keep taking my antibiotics and such. I should be able to go back to school on Tuesday. I’m a little drowsy from the medication so I may seem a little sleepy or tired when you read this.

I was really bored yesterday, especially in the morning so I decided to watch some TV. Well, there wasn’t really anything on so I just watched some music videos on VH1. They have like this music video countdown or something every Saturday and Sunday. I think they have it on the weekdays too. I think I used to watch them with my cousin during the summer a few years back. Good times. Anyways, I bumped into one particular artist named Sara Bareilles. I thought her song Love Song, was pretty catchy so I decided to download her album to check it out. It’s a really good album and I loved 95% of her tracks. I think my favorite song from that album is Gravity. It’s the last track and it’s a bit different from her other tracks on the CD. It’s more slow and ballad-like. I really love that song.

I highly recommend this album so you can check it out if you’re interested. Here’s the live version of Gravity.

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me and all over me

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

-Winnie 

Come Around Soon by Sara Bareilles

I could use another cigarette
But don’t worry daddy, I’m not addicted yet
One too many drinks tonight and I miss you
Like you were mine

All your stormy words have barely broken
And you sound like thunder though
You’ve barely spoken
Oh, it looks like rain tonight and thank God
‘Cause a clear sky just wouldn’t feel right.

He’s taken and leaving
But I keep believing
That he’s gonna come round soon
(He’ll come round soon I know)
You may be my final match
‘Cause I chase everything when you play
Throw and I play catch
It never took much to keep me satisfied
But all the bullshit you feed me you miss me
You need me
This hungry heart will not subside

He’s taken and leaving
But I keep believing
That he’s gonna come round soon
Until I see him again
I’m staying believing
That it won’t be deceiving
When he’s gonna come round

Well I may seem naive if I cry as you leave
Like I’m just one more tortured heart
These cracks that I show as I’m watching
You go aren’t tearing me apart
I may seem naive if I cry as you leave
Like I’m just one more tortured heart
These cracks that I show as I’m watching
You go aren’t tearing me apart

The angels said I’d smile today
Well who needs angels anyway?

Self-explanatory.

-Winnie 

Another day off

I’m still sick! My fever has gone down a little but it’s still in the 100’s. I lost my voice too. It hurts just to swallow or talk. Augh. Oh well.

I’m planning to finish most of my unfinished homework from Wednesday. That is, if I don’t slack off. Nothing much happened today. Just slept in a little and went to see the doctor. Pretty boring day, but I guess that’s what happens when you take the day off. Beats work and school anytime though.

I was just browsing the paranormal board in 4chan last night and I stumbled across this stop animation site. It’s pretty cool and awesome. The director uses dolls and such to create creepy stories. The movies are pretty short lasting anywhere from 3-7 minutes. Some of the videos can be pretty creepy and disturbing though. There was this one video where you were allowed to click on certain objects and watch the doll self-mutilate herself in various ways or commit suicide. Not too gory, but kind of disturbing. Still pretty cool though.

There’s this one short movie I want to watch called Clara. It’s made by the same director mentioned above. Her name’s Van Sowerwine by the way. I watched a trailer and read a review of it. It’s not really gory, but it just tells the story of a girl’s (Clara) life and how she begins to understand life. I thought it was pretty sad. It kind of reminded me of a lot of the things I experienced recently. I guess that’s one reason I want to watch it so much. Unfortunately, I can’t find a free download of it anywhere. The only way you can watch it is to buy it, I think. I’m still on the lookout though. I really loved the director’s note on the official website of the movie.

“There is a point in most of our lives when we begin to realise that terrible things can happen, and that nothing is permanent. This is particularly evident when we are confronted with death at an early age.

CLARA is a very personal story for me, a story that resonates many of my own experiences as I made the transition from childhood to adolescence. It is also a story about the terrible pain that we all can experience at any time in our lives. Ultimately, it is a story about both the resilience in all of us when confronted with terrible pain, and the beauty and terrible sadness that surrounds us at all times.

I have always been fascinated with stop motion animation. I feel it has a certain magical quality to it. I first became interested in using stop motion animation to animate plastic dolls I collected – I found myself drawn to particular dolls, around which I would develop a narrative that I would then animate. I then began sculpting my own animated characters as I became more interested in creating worlds that are a blend of the real and the magical.

This has culminated for me in the creation of CLARA, the first fully funded animation production I have written and directed. CLARA is set in Melbourne in the present day, and the sets are very realistic copies of parks and houses near where I live. Clara herself is made of silicon, a material that looks flesh-like, adding to the sense of realism in the film.

The realism in the film is juxtaposed with the strange and terrible things that happen to Clara. For me, this juxtaposition mirrors the precariousness of our existence – while we may exist in a happy, ‘normal’ world, terrible and strange things can happen to any of us at any time. At all times we are surrounded by and cannot escape death; this does not prevent us from also finding beauty and happiness in life.”
Van Sowerwine on Clara

If anyone’s interested, here’s the official web page of Van Sowerwine: http://www.vansowerwine.com/

And here’s the official web page for Clara: http://www.vansowerwine.com/clara/index.html

-Winnie