I guess I’ve been super bored lately or maybe it’s because I keep listening to nostalgic/depressing songs, but I’ve been having weird, uncomfortable thoughts. I’ve been wondering why things just can’t stay permanent. A lot of things are just temporary and I guess I don’t really like that. Even if something bad were to stay with me forever, I’ll learn how to live with it. I’ve realized I don’t like this on and off feeling I’ve been experiencing for some time now. I’m bad at coping with changes (death, loss, you get the picture).

It’s a bit ironic how I dislike change so much and yet I’ve noticed how I, myself have been changing. I don’t know how to explain it, but I just don’t care about the things I used to care about anymore. When some people come up to me and talk to me about their problem (most of them have impossible solutions), I just secretly want to tell them to just deal with the problem. All in all, I’ve just been getting angry at people for whining/complaining to me only when they need me and I really don’t care what they have to say when they message me on AIM or anything. Maybe this is partly due to the fact that I just want to be happy without ANY dramatic interruptions. When I try to listen to someone talk about their problems, they don’t seem to want to listen to me talk about mine. Very annoying, irritating, (just come up with all the enraged adjectives you can use to explain this situation). Well, I guess I don’t mind that much. I’ve developed a habit for not talking out my problems to other people anyway. I just dislike self-centered people (I’m guessing most of us do). Okay, I’m done ranting.

So…I have a high frequency SAT quiz tomorrow on quite a few words. My verbal teacher decided to not tell us and I just found out from my reading comprehension teacher today. Yeah, I love you too ACI. Thankfully, I know more than half the words so I guess that counts for something? Well, July 4th on Friday so I get a three day weekend. Sweet!

-Winnie

I wished I had a new lens! One that could zoom in super close and catch all the details.

And…I wished my camera taking skills were a bit better.

-Winnie

One of the kittens wasn’t eating last night. He looked sick and he wouldn’t move much. He kept following me around whenever I was 7 feet or so away from him. It just hurt me so bad to see him like that. I stayed with him until dark until he went inside this little kitty box my dad made for him.

He died today. He was barely alive in the morning and it just broke my heart. I haven’t cried that hard since three months ago. I never experienced the loss of someone/something that was very close to me. I know a lot of people usually say “well death happens” and I used to think the same way mainly because I never experienced the pain of death. It’s very different when you experience it first hand. I just don’t know how to cope with it.

I love animals. I loved them ever since I was a little girl even though most of my family either hates them/are very neutral about them. The cats also came into my life during a period where I was heartbroken and semi-depressed so I’ve become emotionally attatched to them. Some people might say “oh, it was just a cat”, but it’s different when you’re attatched to that cat. Sure, there are still two kittens left, but it won’t be the same without Sydney.

Thinking back, he was always the smaller/skinner one compared to the other two kittens. My dad said he never ate much so he probably didn’t develop a good immune system. My mom said it’s how nature is. Sydney was weak so it’s only natural that he died. I just can’t find the right words to describe all the emotions I’m feeling right now. I understand that he’s dead, but I just feel so heartbroken.

R.I.P. Sydney 6/21/08

-Winnie

School ended yesterday and we all spent the day at Ricky’s house like usual until 8:30-9:00. It doesn’t really feel like summer. I guess the feeling will come pretty soon though.

I think I was super depressed or something the other day because I was thinking about deleting this thing. Now that I think about it, I think I was just being crazy. I don’t think I’ll be deleting this thing anytime soon. It’s too fun writing in here. I’LL NEVER ABUSE YOU AGAIN, MY DEAREST WORDPRESS.

I went out with my cousins today to watch Zohan. My aunt gave us 50 bucks (awesome!) to pay for the tickets, food and drinks and everything. We were originally suppose to watch Kung-Fu Panda, but my cousin said her friend thought it was stupid so we ended up watching Zohan instead. The movie was okay. It was funny, but my cousins thought it was kind of stupid. I wouldn’t have mind if we watched Kung-Fu Panda. After the movie, we went to Tea Station and ate a whole lot of food. I didn’t have room for dinner after I got home so I just skipped it for tonight.

I went outside my backyard to take some pictures of flowers and the whatnot and I just so happened to see the kittens running around and hiding. Keiichi (the grey one) is still pretty shy. He stares at you for a while and just runs away. I think he’s a little scaredy cat, but he’s cute that way. Sydney (the black one) isn’t shy at all. He would just sit down in front of me and have a little staring contest with me for a long while and that’s why I was able to take a couple of shots of him. He just has these piercing green-yellow eyes, but then again, most cats do. I’ve just never seen the eyes up so close in real life though.

My best friend’s leaving for China tonight for one month. It makes me so sad. I think she’s already on the plane right now. I’ll miss you Jenny. Have a good/fun trip and bring home a big, giant panda for me.

-Winnie

Turned a year older about a week ago. Didn’t have a fancy party or anything. Just went out with my friends, had a great time, and that’s the way it should be.

School’s going to be over in about a week after finals. I hate studying, but I must. I have ACI this summer too. Great, my own personal hell.

On the bright side, a family of cats (a mother and three kittens) have been coming to our house everyday. My dad feeds them every night and I’m already becoming attatched to them. I even named them–Pocky (he’s my favorite), Keiichi (Ricky came up with this. He’s obsessed with the name), Sydney (after my character), and Nagi (I thought it sounded interesting for the mother). They just make me very happy for some unexplained reason. I love them.

Will write more after finals.

-Winnie